Friday, June 16, 2006
The Villainous Conspiracy
Being the transcript of the most recent meeting of the Villainous Cabal who controls everything.
VANDAL SAVAGE
"Good morning Gentlemen and welcome to the quarterly meeting of the Villainous Conspiracy. I hope you've reviewed the minutes of the previous meeting. Unless there are an objections, I'd like to move to approve those minutes."
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
"I'd like to correct the record. Following our discussion of the destruction of Black Adam's forces, I did not say 'bwa-hahahahahahha…', I would like to amend that to strike that or to simply show that it was a slight laugh.
GRODD
I recall that you were standing on the table when you did that.
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
I don't remember it that way.
THE BRAIN
Been in the Lazarus Pit lately? I would accept fiendish cackle.
[Votes on amendment, so passes].
VANDAL SAVAGE
I'd like to move to the first order of business, an inventory of superhumans available.
ECLIPSO
Thank you Mr. Chairman, as of the last census, we currently have 35 metahumans under my control. Thirteen among our inner circle, ten hidden from the world, six under strong control in our Justice League, two in the Justice League but simply co-opted, and three in the Scranton branch office.
DR. SIVANA
Only three?
ECLIPSO
Yes. Red Tornado was blown up when we sent evil Detective Chimp against him.
T.O. MORROW
HE WAS A PROTOTYPE! STOP LOOKING AT ME.
VANDAL SAVAGE
Moving on, we need to assess the capabilities of this quarter's created beings to see if they fall under the minion or super category. As you know we have one slot available for metahumans following Red Tornado's, er, death. Based on our last meeting, that will be filled by Chemo.
GRODD
Is that the giant chemical factory thing? How are we dealing with the PR on that?
T.O. MORROW
We could say he cures cancer.
DR. PSYCHO
I move that Morrow doesn't get to speak again.
VANDAL SAVAGE
As I was saying, we have no slots for new super-beings. Any labeled as such at this meeting will have to be suspended or destroyed. First, we have Naga's new Lizard-Human super soldier hybrids.
LORD NAGA
(sssss) They've actually quite weak… (ssss)
FELIX FAUST
But they spit venom? And have the strength of five ordinary men…and scale armor…and lightning reflexes.
LORD NAGA
(sssss) They get sluggish unless I keep them under heat lamps…. (ssss)
GRODD
Motion to register Lord Naga's new snake-soldiers as minions.
(Approved)
VANDAL SAVAGE
Next, we have T.O. Morrow's new robot soldiers…
DR. PSYCHO
Minions.
T.O. MORROW
Wait…they're very, very powerful….
GRODD
Minions.
(Approved)
VANDAL SAVAGE
Finally we has Prof. Ivo's new creation, Amazo.
PROFESSOR IVO
It really doesn't do much. More of a toy.
DR. SIVANA
What does it do…?
PROFESSOR IVO
(unintelligible muttering)
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
Could you repeat that?
PROFESSOR IVO
It copies the powers of any and all superbeings.
THE BRAIN
Ivo, you really are an idiot.
PROFESSOR IVO
At least I don't create gorilla love slaves. No offense, Grodd.
THE BRAIN
Leave Monsiuer Mallah out of this.
RĀ’S AL GHŪL
Motion to destroy.
(approved).
VANDAL SAVAGE
I believe that's all the business this week, be sure to try the macaroons I baked on the way out.
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