Exiles #95

Exiles #95
Okay, so I see that Claremont is now co-writing this title. Does that mean that he'll soon be gone? One can only hope.

Reading this issue feels like watching a movie where the audio and visual aren't synched up quite properly. First example? Betsy shouts "OFF!" while erecting a psychokinetic energy barrier, while the lights go on on - simultaneously, and Morph shrieks like a little girl. Cute, but what?

Next, the monologues as the characters remember back to their first days as Exiles - or whatever - are completely disjointed. To continue the film metaphors, it's as if they were spliced in from a different part of the film, or as if the projectionist forgot to load one of the reels.

Then the Exiles appear to have been sitting down at a table to eat. Thing is, the only one of them who has food in front of him is Morph, the only one who doesn't NEED to eat, and quite possibly can't. Maybe that's why the food is still in front of him - he couldn't eat it. But does that mean that the others were so hungry that they ate their plates and utensils too? Secondly, the art makes it seem as if Blink is coming into the room instead of standing up from the meal, as I suppose she must be. Either that or she's coming back from the kitchen alone where the rest of the team sent her because for some reason she's bussing the table. What? Why the hell aren't they helping? Okay, Miguel and Betsy I can understand, they cooked. But what about the rest of them?

Then Heather's hologram comes on and says that she was waiting for them to ask her a question so that the program could run. Problem is, Blink asked a question in the first few minutes following their arrival at the crystal palace, namely, "Heather, what happened to your control room?" If that's not a question, then I really don't know what crazy ass planet Claremont comes from. That's a fucking question!

And the dialogue. Oh my god, the dialogue. It's just so unbelievably hackneyed. Nobody I have ever met in my entire life talks like that. There even seem to be entire lines of conversation missing!

Another observation: what do the Exiles do when they get home and find the place abandoned? Why of course, they go sightseeing, musing to themselves. Then they have a huge meal. Sorry, if that's the way they do things, then I'd rather these not be the heroes I'd have to rely on. Like, what about repairing the apparent damage so they could maybe, oh, I don't know, actually try to figure out what happened? It's just so incredibly stupid. Claremont at his best. Or worst, depending on your perspective, I suppose.

Now an observation as to wardrobe. The Exiles return wearing COMPLETELY NEW OUTFITS! So, I guess they had time to go shopping before they came home. And the baggage restrictions must have been so tight that they couldn't bring their costumes with them. And apparently, they're able to get back to the dimension nexus of the crystal palace at a whim. And then they change clothes. And then they change clothes AGAIN. And then AGAIN!

Later on, there's a scene where Miggy's working upside down on the controls. And he drops a wrench that looks like it could only be used to bash someone on the head, not to perform delicate repairs with. But the point is, he DROPS it! For absolutely NO APPARENT REASON!

Then, on the next page, Blink says "get suited up Exiles,we're back in business." The thing is, Miggy is the only one not in costume! And on the same page, Miguel says that the reality in trouble appears to be very similar to his own. The thing is, the individuals there all seem to be current analogues. So either he's lying, wrong, or the master of bad dialogue strikes AGAIN!

Yuck. If Claremont is truly going to be leaving this title soon, it can't be soon enough. AWFUL.