Ultimate Fantastic Four #42

Ultimate Fantastic Four #42
See, I'm still not caring about this series under Mike Carey's pen. It's just been so utterly and completely EH, that, like I said last time, much as it pains me to admit, I miss Mark Millar.
I feel completely lost from the very beginning. Not even - from the recap page! It's like there's an entire issue missing between last issue and this one. I had no idea who half these people were, where they came from, or what they were doing in the Baxter building.

Mike Carey really doesn't know how to write these characters properly. For instance, since Reed is so brilliant, then why would a machine that he created read an object with no gravity well to be a star? First of all, that's just ridiculous. Anybody with even a rudimentary knowledge of astronomy knows that the best way to find stars that you can't see is to check for the presence of their gravity affecting neighboring objects. Since these stars are in an alternate universe, wouldn't it make sense that the best way of detecting them would not be to say "ooooh, shiny", but rather to try to detect centers of immense gravity? Wouldn't that just make sense?
Also, has Reed not gotten in enough trouble tapping alternate universes? Let's see: the negative zone, the Marvel Zombie universe, the Ultimate Squadron Supreme universe, the Thanos universe, President Thor's universe - am I missing any? Do you see a pattern here? NONE of those experiments ended well for Reed. None. So what the hell's wrong with this kid, that for fun he just goes ahead and devises other methods of tapping alternate universes? Isn't he supposed to be smarter than that? And if he really IS that stupid, then why don't the powers that be at the Baxter building have safeguards to prevent Reed from doing this over and over again? At least during most of the aforementioned episodes there was a good reason for Reed to try. Here? He wants to make some thingamabob doohickey work, so naturally his first impulse is to tap energy sources from alternate universes! Wha huh?

Also mischaracterized: Sue Storm. Since when is she a bimbette? She's a frickin' scientist for god's sake - she doesn't say things like "pick that one, it looks shiny". I mean, seriously, what the hell?

And let me get this straight, the Ultimate universe's version of the Silver Surfer is basically something like a sun eater? How does that make any sense whatsoever? Seriously, the version in the mainstream Marvel universe makes more sense than this. See what happens when you make Galactus into Gah-Lak-Tus? You end up with shite like this.

Paqual Ferry's art seems to be solidifying somewhat, but it still needs quite a lot of work.

The only positive aspect of this book involves a poker game played by Ben Grimm, his mother (of all people), and Willie Lumpkin!

Everything else is pure garbage.

Utterly CRAP.

This story is so obviously contrived - there's absolutely no reason for the Silver Surfer to be here except to capitalize on the fact that the new Fantastic Four movie is opening this coming weekend.

And does this book not actually HAVE an editor on it? Dear Marvel, would you consider hiring me? I'd work pro bono...

Ultimate Power #5 (unread)

Ultimate Power #5
I'll eventually get around to reading this series, but not until it's finished. Because it started out slow, and then just got slower. This series suffers from an unbearable degree of Bendis decompression. Not to mention the fact that it's not very good, and feels mostly contrived.
I've enjoyed Bendis' Ultimate Marvel work, for the most part, so I'll definitely be giving this series a shot once it's over and done with. But until then, I just can't be bothered any more.

Ultimate Power #3

Ultimate Power #3
Well, unlike Hibbs, I've got to give credit where credit is due, this issue was finally interesting. The last two were nothing but completely gratuitous fight scenes. This one at least has a plot. Whereas I agree that this should have been told chronologically, logistically, the way this asinine story was constructed, that became impossible. And the Supreme Power universe also gets short shrift herein, but I'm hoping that next issue will be devoted mainly to its exploration. At this point I'd like to say this issue on its own is okay, but Greg Land's lightboxed stolen images really ruin everything this issue had going for it. Seriously, someone whose world is being attacked by an unknown biological entity is expressing her fear to a teammate, yet she has a model's smile plastered on her face as if it belonged there. Uh, what? Yet, in a very slight few panels, it seems that Land is actually doing new drawings. But he might just be copying from himself, something that he has been known to do. EH.

Ultimate Power #2

Ultimate Power #2
After the first issue, which basically had nothing to do, whatsoever, with the Supreme Power universe, until the very last page, I can't stress enough how unimpressed I was. And then there's this issue. Oh boy, I didn't think that I could be let down any further. I was completely wrong. This issue is nothing more than one giant fight scene, featuring the Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, The X-Men, and The Ultimates - basically, everybody in the Ultimate universe who has a regular series - fighting the Supreme Power heroes. Until the goddamn last page. Again! Nothing f'ing happens in this issue, until the last page! Who writes this CRAP? Okay, so just like everything else in the Ultimate universe, it's written by Bendis...but seriously? A chimp could do better.

1602: Fantastick Four #1-2, Ultimate Power #1

1602: Fantastick Four #1-2, Ultimate Power #1
Really, I couldn't care less. This title seems absolutely pointless, and Peter David is writing far below his ability here. This just isn't an interesting story, by any stretch of the imagination, and I've only been reading it because Peter David's other recent work (X-Factor, Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man, Fallen Angel) has been so good. But this really isn't.
And in a pre-emptive move, I'm going to show up the Nitpicker:
On the penultimate page, fifth panel, the coloring is completely wrong, and the inexactitude makes reading it very confusing. Reed is colored as Doris Evans, and John Storm is colored as Reed. The context and the oddball word balloons for Reed make this obvious. Oops. The situation is even more confused due to the fact that Reed's hand and arm are not stretched in this panel. I'm not sure how many Bizarres MaGnUs would give this, but it definitely warrants a mention.

And can I just say how sick and tired I am of the Ultimate Power solicits in the back of last week's mags? Especially since Ultimate Power #1 was released last week, and the Squadron Supreme don't even show up until the last page!!! So of what use is a solicit, when it just reads like a standard issue of Ultimate FF??? Besides which, Ultimate Power isn't even that good. It may get better once there's some actual interaction with the Squadron, but until then, its rating is the same as that of the issue being reviewed above (and its predecessor): EH.